Fly on the Wall, Edition No. 24

The Fly buzzes around town to see what's up.

Beat your children well

The public can speak up at government meetings, and the School Board seems to be the group blamed for everything. At Monday's meeting, they were told that the failure to allow the beating children was the cause of all the problems in society today, as well as the failure to mandate uniforms, enforce harsh discipline and require prayer.

Somehow, everyone who blames the schools blames the lack of beatings in school. Indeed, the old standard "Teach Your Children Well" by Crosby, Still and Nash could be modified to "Beat Your Children Well."

The good kids seem to be just bad kids who haven't gotten caught yet. It was always better in ”the old days.“ Well, the Fly has read newspapers and magazines from back then, and guess what: People back then said it was better in ”the old days,“ when kids were flogged.

Up a tree

At Wednesday's Bradenton City Council meeting, City Attorney Bill Lisch shared a secret from his past: he used to trim trees.

Amid a discussion of FPL's plans to trim some trees in Bradenton, Mayor Wayne Poston said to Lisch, "Tell them about when you trimmed trees for FPL."

So Lisch described the time he was up a tree and trimming away, and an angry woman came out and began throwing rocks at him. FPL tends to trim aggressively to keep the branches away, and Lisch said sometimes people would call him a murderer.

"They probably knew you'd become a lawyer someday," City Councilman Bemis Smith said.

Hello, hello?

There's a telephone on the dais at the Bradenton City Council's chambers, and it rang during the meeting. Information Technology chief Staci Cross picked it up, and the caller must have been angry because the person could almost be heard throughout the chamber.

Cross forwarded the call, and the meeting continued.

Speaking of telecommunications, a discussion of the fake Verizon and Bright House workers turned into a discussion with City Councilman Gene Gallo, who may be a secret nerd.

Gallo said one thing that might make you suspicious is if Bright House or Verizon show up to "fix" your service, but you don't use their service.

"You're still using rabbit ears, right, Gene?" Smith asked.

"Actually, satellite," he said.

Gallo also noted kiddingly that his phone service is tin cans and string.

Take me to the pilot

The County Commission took up a vitally important issue on Tuesday that will no doubt affect every man, woman, child, dog, cat, ferret and any other pets in the region.

County Commissioner Gwendolyn Brown said she got a letter complaining that when airline flights land at Sarasota-Bradenton International Airport, the flight attendants are saying "Welcome to Sarasota," not "Welcome to Sarasota-Bradenton."

The commission voted 6-0 to send a letter to Airport Authority executive director Fred Piccolo to require them to say "Welcome to Sarasota-Bradenton" when their planes' wheels touch the runway at SRQ.

The Fly asked County Attorney Tedd Williams if his office could defend the Fly if he came in on a flight, demanded an explanation as to why the crew failed to say "Welcome to Sarasota-Bradenton" and ended up being dragged away kicking and screaming by armed security, hauled to a bare room and interrogated, Tasered and taken to Guantanamo. The short answer, Williams said, is no.

Of course, it could be a lot worse. The flight attendants could say "Welcome to Tampa," to the passengers, then "Oops, take off and go north! We missed the airport!" to the pilot.

The Fly recalls a time when he was with the Herald-Tribune, and took a flight from Sarasota-Bradenton to New York's JFK Airport, and back. (With a visit to his dear mother in between.)

The flight back was uneventful, and the Fly was being a journalist, interviewing people and taking pictures on and off the plane. Well, as the Fly was waiting to retrieve his baggage a friendly airport police officer came over and began questioning the Fly. Someone had become worried about all the note-taking and picture shooting.

The Fly handed over information on his editor and awaited their judgment. Their verdict was that the Fly was of no danger to the republic and could return to his home and cats.

A 'lulu' of a stimulus atrocity

The Fly gets plenty of e-mail from U.S. Rep. Vern Buchanan's office, and there are a few he has to read a couple of times to get the message.

While Buchanan purports to be above partisanship, the news that the Polk County School District was using federal money to buy iPods for parents evidently got his office so excited, they referred to the funding as "stimlulus" funding.

The Fly is kind of a partisan himself – to spelling things right. Or maybe it was deliberate.

That's all until next time.